The Way You Do Anything Is the Way You Do Everything

Listen to the interview.

Suzanne Evans is the author of The Way You Do Anything Is the Way You Do Everything: The Why of Why Your Business Isn’t Making More Money and the founder of SuzanneEvans.org, She provides support, consult, and business development skills to the over 30,000 women enrolled in her wealth and business building programs. Having gone from secretary to surpassing the seven-figure mark herself in just over three years, Suzanne has made the Inc. 500/5000 list two years running, exceeding $6 million in revenue. Suzanne recently launched the GIVE Movement Journey…a not for profit serving women worldwide in education, entrepreneurship, and equality.

But those are just the sexy facts. IF you want to know the why behind starting her own business, look no further than 2007, when while working a day job behind the scenes on Broadway, she looked over her credit card statements and realized it would take 21 years to pay off her debts. Right then and there she decided that the only way to create the life she wanted was for her to take immediate action.

Suzanne opened up shop inside of Whole Foods Market. Literally. Emboldened by her ability to get clients in what was the least likely of places (between the bananas and tomatoes), she realized that her success in business would depend on her ability to master marketing and sales, and inspire clients to “share their mess” as a pathway to getting clients and making money.

And inspire she has, growing Suzanne Evans from its humble beginnings inside a 350-square-foot apartment in Manhattan to a sprawling 4,500-square-foot office in Murrells Inlet, South Carolina. As the head of a growing multi-seven-figure business, Suzanne and her team are dedicated to helping entrepreneurs heal their shame about money and creating “movements that matter.”

She joined me on Amy’s Table to share insights to  help you find your own success:

“Yes, it’s human nature to want to be liked, but when you put too much stock in the popularity factor, you aren’t able to give your clients, your coworkers, and everyone else the honesty they need from you,” says Suzanne.

Have you ever gone along with a client’s bad idea instead of sharing your real opinion? Or held your tongue at a department meeting because you were afraid to outshine your boss in front of his boss? Or politely thanked a coworker for her valuable contribution to the report, then stayed late to correct all of her careless errors? If so, points out Evans, you may have retained the other person’s goodwill, but at what cost?

“All you’ve done is dilute the quality of the finished product, make more work for yourself, and limit your opportunities,” she notes. “Oh, and none of these people will love you in the long run, if it comes to light that you didn’t speak up when you could have. The same thing can happen in your personal life when you prioritize being Miss or Mister Congeniality over authenticity. I sure hope the popularity is worth it!”

A glance at Evans’s story will quickly reveal that for her popularity definitely wasn’t worth suppressing her personality, ideas, or dreams. As she transformed herself from a dissatisfied secretary in a dead-end job to the owner of a business-coaching firm, Evans admits to stepping on a lot of toes, offending her fair share of people, and pissing off even more of them. But, she says, the right people appreciated her outspokenness and honesty, allowing her business to surpass the seven-figure mark in just three years.

“I know high school sucked for a lot of people, but here’s a newsflash: It’s over!” says Evans. “Get over it. This is business, and no one is running for prom queen. We are running for profits. Nowadays, the need to be the most popular might get you invited to happy hour, but it won’t get you rich. Time and energy spent in this area force you to make bad decisions because you’re in protection mode instead of progress mode.

“So the next time you find yourself tempted to suck up to the reigning water cooler king or spend work time stroking the ego of your charismatic but clueless client, ask yourself what you expect the payoff to be,” she advises. “If you find that you’re working only toward high-fives in the break room, you need to modify that behavior.”

Be a b*%ch or b@#tard or blowhard or whatever. If you have something to say, then say it, dammit! Yes, even if you think saying it will make you come off as one of those dreaded b-words. Own your point of view, know the areas in which you’re “the expert,” and be willing to piss people off to have your message heard. When it comes to ruffling feathers, in business, the end definitely justifies the means.

“I’m not telling you to wander around and be a bully; just stop caring when someone whines because you’ve spoken your mind,” clarifies Evans. “You know the difference between the two. Especially if you’re a naturally passive or conflict-averse person, this may take some practice. In that case, fake it until you make it. When you find yourself tempted to make nice, pretend that you’re Rachel Maddow or a slightly less abrasive version of Donald Trump, if that’ll help you say what you need to! Eventually, you’ll train yourself to stay focused on the wins, not your approval rating.”

Don’t get your love solely from your business. Yes, your job is an important part of your life. But no matter how desperately you want to succeed, never make the mistake of believing that your job is your life. Why? Well, as human beings we crave love and acceptance. If you don’t fill those needs elsewhere (at least partially), you’ll look for them at work—which puts you at risk for prioritizing your feelings over the finished product.

“If you’re doing what you’re doing for attention or popularity or emotional validation, then stop!” says Evans. “That’s a recipe for making yourself miserable, assuming you aren’t already. Your job cannot fill your emptiness. It cannot make you feel whole or special. It can bring you joy, light, or purpose, but it cannot bring you love.

“There’s a reason why some of the most successful entrepreneurs focus on pleasure, leisure, and fun as well as work,” she continues. “You, too, should cultivate the ‘extracurriculars’—relationships, hobbies, interests, etc.—because they allow you to be diverse and interesting. And most pertinent to the topic at hand, they give you a much needed place where you can go to recuperate, decompress, and lick your wounds after you’ve been a hard-ass at work!”

Stop watching others and trying to fit in. In America, keeping up with the Joneses is practically an unofficial national pastime. Admit it: You know exactly what it’s like to look at what other people have—from their cars to their homes to their careers to their spouses and partners—and think, I wish I had that! And you know what comes next, too: You begin to believe that if you could just become more like them, you’d be happier, more fulfilled, and more popular. Fitting in, not getting the job done well, becomes your main priority.

“Stop that right now,” says Evans. “When you watch others, you waste emotional energy. You’ll always feel behind, you’ll always feel a little bit bitter, and you’ll always feel like you’re being shut out of the inner circle—emotions that are in no way productive. When you focus on what you’re doing and set your own goals at your own pace, you’ll become less attuned to what your life is ‘supposed’ to look like and more attuned to what’s actually right for you. And you won’t feel the need to seek others’ approval before going for exactly what you want.

“And here’s a little secret,” she adds. “The Joneses? They have their own problems, and their own set of Joneses to envy. From the inside, their lives aren’t as perfect as you think.”

Don’t dwell on who gets the credit. Zig Ziglar said that the fastest way to get rich is to help others get rich. And he’s right: If you spend your time connecting with, supporting, and promoting other people, your exposure and impact will rise rapidly. But if you’re obsessed with your own reputation, the best opportunities (which almost always involve partnerships, collaborations, and the respect of others) will pass you by.

“Keep asking, ‘Who can I help today?’” suggests Evans. “Don’t worry about who gets the credit. Don’t concentrate on doing things that will make other people like you. Just work on making everyone successful. Then, out of the blue, and often by surprise, you too will be successful. There’s plenty of success to go around, and it is blissful to have the power to pass it out.”

Be more like an animal. Picture this: Bambi is peacefully grazing in the middle of a grassy clearing. Suddenly, he hears a branch crack from inside the trees. It could be a threat—or it could just be a squirrel making too much noise. Bambi has two choices: stay or run. For him, it’s that simple. The one thing he won’t do is linger in the clearing, dithering about which decision is smarter and wondering whether Thumper and Flower will judge him for it.

“Animals react to a situation and move on—they don’t stop to think about whether their decision will make them more or less popular within the herd,” points out Evans. “While we humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason, we could benefit from taking a page or two from Bambi’s playbook. Sometimes, we use our incredibly developed brains to think ourselves out of doing what’s in our best interests! That’s why I encourage you to beef up the faith you have in yourself. Remind yourself that you don’t need others’ approval to do or say what’s smart and what’s right. Listen to your intuition more often, and to the peanut gallery less.”

“Now, keep in mind none of this is a free pass for you to go around being grumpy and dismissive all of the time, pushing people out of your way, and just generally not being a very nice person,” notes Evans. “Not trying to be liked all the time is not the same as being rude or mean. It just means not censoring yourself or squelching the truth in order to not make waves. Actually you are practicing love when you say what you think; it’s just tough love.
“And, trust me, success-oriented people will come to appreciate your real-talk attitude. They’ll respect the fact that you put the work ahead of your own popularity, and that’s how great relationships are formed.”

 

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July 8, 2012 show details: Quickies, Flips and GF Treats

How to Score a High Profile Mentor, from Laurel House, the QuickieChick
July 1, 2012 show details: Road trips, Marrakesh style, Spirited Cooking- and Cookies
July 24, 2012 show details: Get charisma, cook with soul, read a great book and be a Green Bride!

June 10th show details: Parties, Pure food, Purposeful Kids and Perfect Bathing Suits
May 27th show details: Detox, Declutter, Delight
The Charisma Myth with Olivia Fox Cabane

May 20th show details: Skinny chefs, better junk food, more money- and your psychic abilities
15 Ways to Keep Good Financial Habits with Eric Tyson
April 29th show details: Wayne Dyer, Ellen Whitehurst and Emily Maynard

Feng Shui Cleaning Tips from Better Living Expert Ellen Whitehurst
April 22, 2012 show details: Asian, Alison, Anderson and Alpha B*tch
Taming your Alpha B*tch with Christy Whitman

The Five Lessons a Millionaire Taught Me with Richard Paul Evans
April 15, 2012 show details: Sweet! Pie, Cookies and Cash!
April 8, 2012 show details: Slow cooking meals, long lasting husbands, the (new) richer sex and staying safe

The Richer Sex with Liza Mundy
Money tips with Leslie Greenman
The Impostor Syndrome

February 12, 2012 Show Details: Love, Money, Friendship....and Dessert!
How to: Organizing important papers
Take Control of Your Financial Future with 7 Money Rules for Life

January 22 show details: Chinese New Year, Champagne and Truffles
Women, Work & the Art of Savoir Faire with Mireille Guiliano
The New York Times 2012 Obits with William McDonald

Holiday Tipping Guide
Gifts you "do"
November 27, 2011 Show Details: Gifts, Crafts and Goodies

The great debate: Stay at home or working Mom
November 20, 2011: Dragons, Man Myths....and Mom Demons
October 30, 2011 Show: Spooky, Spirited.....Inspired!

Wicked Success with Vickie Milazzo
Working Mother's 100 Best Companies for 2011
October 23, 2011 Show Details: The habits and careers of marvelous Moms

The Myth of Work/Life Balance: Seven Ways to Rethink Your Approach to the Daily Grind (and Get Happier in the Process!)
October 16, 2011 Show: Sweet dreams- and dreamy casseroles
September 18, 2011: Celebrating Bad Girls, Great Careers and Dynamite Dining

Candace Klein, founder of Bad Girl Ventures
September 11, 2011 Show: Beauty, Bounty and Boy R Dee
7 Secrets to Looking Good for Less from Candace Corey

September 4, 2011 Show: Color, Cooking for a Crowd, Cheap Eats and Classrooms
Top 10 Tips from the Frugalista
Raising Philanthropic Kids

July 31st Show: Feng Shui, Fish, and Good Things in Town
July 17th Show: Junk, Love, Food and the Power of Small
July 10th, 2011 Show: Confidence, Love & Vegetables

Non-stop Confidence in 6 1/2 Steps
July 3, 2011 Show Details: Danger, Daring, Defining- and Dinner!
June 12th Show: We're getting Cleaner, Slimmer, Lighter- and Lifted

Living your Career with Intent
Tips to help you prosper from Jean Chatzky
Food Jobs with Irena Chalmers

The Power of Small
Holiday Tipping Guide
Who's (really) got your back?

How to save on groceries
Keep or toss? A paperwork primer
Attitude Adjustment 101

Tips for renting just about anything
Wills, Living Wills & Health Care Power of Attorney
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